Fiona Modrak walks us through an array of exhibits at Tjaden Gallery.

I would totally eat a frankensalmon. Just, you know, putting that out there. And what about that whooping cough outbreak in California? Vaccinate your children, America. Jenny McCarthy is a dangerously stupid human being. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. No, today I want to talk about something much more serious. A plague overtaking the nation. That’s right, folks.

In 1993 Michael Jackson was forced to pay $25 million to the family of then-13-year-old Jordie Chandler largely because Chandler was able to identify with great accuracy distinctive features of the King’s penis.

MJ had a warning system of alarms and surveillance cameras set up outside the bedroom where he unapologetically admitted to having “sleepovers” with young boys.

A photo album full of pictures of naked boys was confiscated from Neverland. He had a drawer in which he kept a collection of his little friends’ underwear.

Michael Jackson represented the dregs of humanity, a scumbag of the dirtiest order, a man who was repeatedly accused of fondling, sucking-off, masturbating to and with young boys.

What a mistake of a human being.

"...I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;

And on a day we meet to walk the line

And set the wall between us once again..."

"Mending Wall" by Robert Frost

What does Robert Frost have to do with Joaquin Phoenix? Precious little at first glance. And yet he may have everything to do with explaining, in part, our obsession with celebrities.

Why do so many of us Americans find celebrities fascinating enough to read and talk about? I believe that when future anthropologists study today's popular culture, they will find the obsession with the lives of actors, musicians, politicians, and other famous figures to be a complex phenomenon.

...and the day the entire English-speaking world said, “Yea? And?”

The tale is as old as the concept of quasi-celebrities themselves. Boy (or girl) is gay, boy or girl gets famous, boy or girl keeps his or her homosexuality a secret and boy or girl comes out of the closet. And time after time, the world is unsurprised and unmoved and yawns at the announcement

Aiken holds a "secret."Aiken reports that he decided to come out to the world because he simply cannot raise his newborn son with a lie, the way he has done for so many years. The now 29-year-old father decided last year that he would conceive a child with his friend Jayme Foster.

It’s totally old news by now that Ashton Kutcher began coaching high school football. It’s such old news by now that it’s not even really funny anymore. Shock value made it amusing and, of course, Kutcher’s past as MTV’s original prankster made it semi-unbelievable. But now, a week later, nobody cares.

Actually, it’s not exactly that nobody seems to care, but more that the joke has sizzled out and died. Even the poor guy who just learned today about Ashton’s amazing career move will not laugh, and the corners of his lips will only tease upwards for a split second before he realizes he kinda-sorta missed the bus.