Op-Ed
Where Do You Go To School?
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Closing Time
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Where (exactly) do you go to school? Welcome (back) to Cornell University. For those of you who got off the bus thinking this was Cornell College in Iowa (Yes, there is such a place. Google it.), now would be a good time to get back on the bus.
“Where the hell are we?” I heard one Freshman say to another as they drunkenly walked through Collegetown in front of CTB this past Orientation Week.
“Outside of Mary Donlon, I think,” replied the second.
Freshmen have a lot of orienting to do over the next few months (beyond Huggy Bear and all the other nonsensical “ice breaker” games). When exploring Ithaca, I would recommend you do so on foot, using a map, and not wearing your “John McCain ’08” baseball cap that you may have acquired from home. (I humor myself thinking that someone at Cornell ACTUALLY HAS a John McCain hat).
During my freshman year move-in, I made the mistake of walking through the Commons with my (right-leaning) father, who walked into a store and asked if they had any Republican paraphernalia, to which the clerk responded, “My man, you are in the wrong city.”
Ithaca: 42°26′36″N 76°30′0″W: Some say Ithaca is 10 square miles surrounded by reality. I sometimes think the phrase should say “10 square miles filled with people who can’t even spell relaty, er, reality.”
Ithaca is not the real world. But college isn’t, either. And just when you start to think it is, remind yourself of the very sheltered life you lead here atop your perch in Olin Library and make a plane reservation to “Anywhere-but-here.”
There are three colleges in Ithaca (Cornell, Ithaca College, and TC3). Apparently the locals refer to one as “Harvard on the Hill.”
What an awful insult …
Ithaca is an extremely interesting place and if you have a free Saturday afternoon, I recommend sitting on The Commons and taking it all in. You’ll see something that you’ve never seen before and you probably won’t ever see again.
You’ll note that Tompkins County went 57 percent to 40 percent for Barack Obama in the Democratic primary — the only county in New York State to go to Senator Obama (If you’re even interested, Tompkins County went for John McCain, too. I guess we know how to pick ’em).
But let’s talk about the place where you’ll be spending the next four (or five, or six) years of your academic career: Cornell University.
“Far above Cayuga’s Waters, there’s an awful smell! Some say it’s Cayuga’s Waters … Some say its Cornell! ¬— Anonymous, but most assuredly a disgruntled Townie.
Congratulations! You worked your butt off to now attend a university that ranked 11th in Best Food, according to Princeton Review. You also attend a university that spent thousands of dollars (which I’m sure you’ll be paying back long after we’re done here) on research to tell us that “Thin People Eat Differently at all-you-can-eat-Chinese buffets.”
And your e-mail … well … don’t expect that to work all the time. The same goes for the tools you enroll in courses with.
Soon, you’ll be joining the same ranks as many of our esteemed alumni. You must get goose bumps to know that you now walk the same hallowed halls as Anne Coulter, Huey Lewis (who did not graduate), Keith Olbermann ’79, and two convicted murderers.
Don’t forget also about Fat Balls (from 30 Rock), Sideshow Mel (from The Simpsons), and Andy Bernard (from The Office.)
Cornell has a variety of different people from all walks of life studying all different types of things. I often to like to ponder the situation where a Hotelie, an Aggie, an Engineer, and an Architecture student all walk into a bar …
I ponder it, you see, because it would never actually happen.
You have a returned to a University in a time of change. As the search continues for a provost, vice president for finance, and chief diversity officer, the current administration continues to work to maintain the highest level of excellence.
And aside from barring us from Schedulizer, they do a pretty good job…
This will be an exciting year with a lot of controversy. We have already seen the University’s response to the tragic death of sophomore Doug Lowe over the summer: a large fence surrounding the gorges. A good move, I think, by the University — under the circumstances, it was the best they could have done.
The University continues debating itself with regards to college rankings and US News’ decision to rank us 14th (down from previous years).
And that’s just a taste of some of the fun.
But the start of the school year is upon us.
Freshmen: Welcome. You have a lot to learn and only a few years to do it. Meet as many people as you can and do not sleep with anyone on your floor.
Seniors: Rule Number One about Senior Year — you’re not allowed to talk about Senior Year.
Let the fun begin …
C.J. Slicklen is a Senior in the School of Hotel Administration. He can be reached at Slicklen@cornell.edu. Closing Time appears alternate Fridays this semester.
What?
What is this madness? For starters, if you're going to write an article, let it have a point. Don't just spew random facts, rumors, and downright untruths, all of which are unrelated to one another. Pull it together, man.