Hello fellow Gleeks! Nick here to report last night’s “interesting” episode, to say the least. First off, we’ve been on a dry spell, having to wait two weeks for each new episode, so I know I was anxious to see if Glee could put together some form a plot this week, or fall back to their recent viewer-grabbing crutch of themed episodes. Thankfully, I can say I was nowhere near bored with this one.
“Never Been Kissed” starts out with Finn and Sam cooling off after a McKinley High football practice. Let me just say, first off, that Glee has resorted to a couple of tactics to reel in viewers, mainly nudity and sex. Some may say it is a shameful tactic. And to those individuals, I say HELL NO. They are obviously working, having Monteith and Overstreet nearly naked in baths of hot water made the girls of 3-6 Dickson glued to the tube last night as the boys converse about their girlfriend complications.
Sam retorts that he needs cold showers to subdue his libido when making out with Quinn. Finn jumps right in to give some bro-to-bro advice, saying he imagines the time he nearly killed a mail-man driving with his mother whenever he comes close to “finishing the race.” The two decide that Coach Beiste is the perfect boner-killer and will suffice to prolong Sam and Quinn’s romantic encounters.
Now, at first I am a little skeptical of how this episode will pan out, I mean I enjoy the current topics true to modern-day high schoolers, but I have little cousins who watch this show and I really don’t need their naiveté to be thrown out the window completely by FOX’s racy hook-up scenes.
After the commercial break, we see Kurt and Tina walking to glee practice, and the usual torment for Kurt begins. The football jock goon Karofsky (Max Adler) pushes Kurt into a locker, and unlike previous occurrences in which Kurt merely brushes the meatheads off, we can tell he is truly bothered, and I can’t help but wonder if more drama is looming in the future.
Our first big news of the episode...Puck is back! However, gleeks I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but sadly Salling is reportedly slowly being weened off the show. After releasing his solo album, Pipe Dreams, we have been seeing less and less of Puckerman. Although his time in juvie was short lived, suspects of breach of contract by Salling may mean we might have to say goodbye to the only jew able to rock a faux-hawk.
Mr. Schuester now announces the competition for this season’s round of sectionals. First we have the all-boys school choir, The Dalton Academy “Warblers”. Next is the “Hipsters” a group of elderly people going back to school for their GED’s. And of course we have missed Puck’s bitting wit as he suggests shattering a granny’s pelvis via good-luck slap to sabotage the group of grandparents.
In order to prepare for sectionals, Mr. Schu has given another girls vs. boys mash up challenge, and Schu reprimands Kurt for associating himself on the girl’s team once again. Colfer’s saddened face tells us something is up. I’m feeling a plot coming along! And if the kids can actually sing a song that’s not from a Halloween movie or a washed-up pop star tribute, we might be in for a treat!
Next we see Puck helping to push Artie around school, and we learn his artificial kindness is a way for him to stay out of juvenile hall, since he promised his probation officer he was helping the disabled. The one thing I noticed during this scene are Puck’s earrings. WHY? Since when were gauges ok, Mark? I know the bad-boy image is what is prescribed but I could have done without.
Anyways, the story continues with Kurt’s continual torment from football player Dave Karofsky. We all feel Kurt’s pain as he tries to stand up for himself, but his clever tongue is no match for the inner douchebag of the stereotypical ignorant jock. Mr. Schu’s attempt at comforting Kurt affirms viewer’s acknowledgement that he has been taking the bullying quite hard lately; he seems a different person. But after learning boys are doing typical girl songs and vise versa, and after being mocked during his meeting with the boys’ team, Kurt takes Puck’s pseudo-advice to go spy on the Warblers and visits the Dalton Academy.
Here, I have to say kudos to Glee for attempting such a controversial and prominent issue in American teens. Kurt’s representation of the struggle of homosexual teenagers is effortless and although at some times a little over-played, I commend the plot line for giving viewers something to anticipate for following episodes.
Now we jump to the steamy fireplace-set scene in which Sam and Quinn are at round two of tonsil-hockey. This scene is a little more classy than last episode’s rendition of “Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me” during the Rocky Horror tribute, where Emma and Schu were disrobing and gridin all up on each other (which I personally deemed soft core porn). As Sam is about to “overflow,” he creates a disturbing image of Coach Beiste in his mind. I mean Dot Jones in black lingerie chopping raw meat would repress anyone’s erection. However, the technique backfires as he whispers “Beast” when Quinn tries to be all Destiny’s Child and moans, “say my name.”
Quinn then goes to coach Sue Sylvester to report her awkward encounter. Let me just say, I might be slightly bias as a Cornell freshman, but Jane Lynch (Cornell MFA ’84) is my favorite track-suit adorned, mullet-haired cheerleading coach I love to hate. She retorts, that Quinn’s newest boy toy would rather be “dry-humping She-Hulk” and has to stare at wounded patients in a hospital to erase the thoughts of Beiste from her mind. Her dry sarcasm is everything I aspire to encapsulate, so to you Jane Lynch, I adore thee.
Sue as usual creates a convoluted plan that uses Quinn’s problems to help solve her own. Her evil yet tempting smirk tells us she is going to get Beiste fired by proving she is somehow sexually involved with Quinn’s “Macaulay Culkin stunt double” of a boyfriend.
The first song of the episode is Puck and Artie’s acoustic rendition of Bob Marley’s “One Love” outside in the school’s courtyard as Salling suggests opening his guitar case and dropping a few dollars in will attract fellow students to donate some spare change. And to their surprise, by the end of the impromptu concert, the duo has made close to $300. Puck tells Artie he will use the dough to help him get Brittany back by going on a double date.
Now I enjoy a good Bob Marley hit as much as the next guy, but 1: this song has no place and/or meaning to the story line besides Puck and Artie working together. 2: I may come from a small high school in Westchester, NY which some claim is a social bubble like no other, but who the hell comes to school with steel drums? It just so happens other students eating lunch are Bob Marley fans and join in on the song with some reggae instruments and a guitar. In classic Glee style, the entire crowd joins in with a happy sway, as Puck and Artie plot how to win over the heart of ditzy Brittany.
Next we see Kurt visiting the all-boys private school, as he meets up with Blaine (Darren Criss) a member of the Warbler’s singing group. To his utter astonishment, at the Dalton Academy, the glee club is the reverse of McKinley High’s “New Directions”. The Warblers are on the top of the social hierarchy, and they are putting on a concert to which Blaine invites him. Now here, as if there wasn’t enough sexual tension in the episode, he grabs Kurt’s hand, and in an awkward yet somehow endearing slow-motion clip, the boys enter the senior common space and Blaine joins the group of singing prep kids. The touching and ease at which Blaine interacts with Kurt makes us question his sexual intentions, but at the same time sympathize with Kurt as his enamored facial expressions tells it all.
There is hope Kurt’s instantaneous crush is obtainable as the Warblers perform Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and Blaine maintains constant eye contact with Kurt throughout the performance. The boys finish their song as Kurt is left in awe, imagining the possibilities of an alternate life where he could not be ashamed to sing and be his true self.
Next we see Tina and Mike discussing how the Beiste visuals allow the boys to “cool off,” and their adolescent hormones go wild, as Tina pulls her man into a nearby classroom to get it on. Making a Jersey Shore reference to Mike’s abs as her own situation, the asian love fest begins, but ironically, it is Tina and not Mike who falls victim to the trick of visualization. As she begins to get aroused, Tina’s mental picture of the coach smoking a cigar in a tutu leads her to follow Sam in exclaiming “Beiste” during the make-out session. With this we all feel sufficiently awkward, and Mike is left confused.
We then see Quinn confront Sam about the freudian slip, taking Sue’s advice to try to embarrass him in the hallways, but Coach Beiste hears this as she walks by and is worried to hear her name thrown around, just as Mike walks by and warns the coach to stay away from Tina. Mr. Schuester then scolds Sam about using Beiste as a buzzkill.
The scene then shifts to Kurt who was obviously caught by member of the Warblers and he asks them if they are all gay, laughing the members say that Blaine is the only one playing for the other team, and they tell Kurt that at their school no one is made fun of for being who they truly are. Kurt and Blaine continue to discuss how they were taunted and bullied for being different, the difference is that Blaine feels he ran away from his fears by enrolling in private school, whereas Kurt is forced to stand up for himself and be strong. This heartwarming convo ends as Blaine gives Kurt some words of encouragement to continue to stand up for himself.
Puck and Artie affirm their dates with Brittany and Santana and the scene switches to Mr. Schu in the teacher’s lounge as Beiste walks in to inquire about the recent phenomenon. And like the genuine yet idiotic, kind soul Will Schuester is, he freakin tells her that the boys of Glee club have been using her to prevent their sexual eruptions. Even if he thought he was being nice or doing the right thing, did he not think it was going to be offensive? Somewhere underneath that tightly-knit perm of a haircut lies no common sense! Beiste storms out of the room, and rightly so, as we are left to contemplate once again the sanity of Mr. Schuester.
I’ll hand it over to Hallie, my fellow Glee blogger to cover the second half of the episode.
So Beiste quit…probably not Mr. Schu’s intention. He probably would have been better off not telling her altogether, but unfortunately, he’s just too nice so he felt he should.
The girls’ performance of “Start Me Up/Livin’ on a Prayer” was great. Rachel sounded amazing as always and she definitely seems to be breaking out of her good girl shell with some of those dance moves. The choreography in general was really good for that performance, and the two songs meshed well together.
Now, let’s talk about the scene with Kurt and the football player. It was great that Kurt was able to take Blaine’s advice and finally stick up for himself. However, that kiss was quite possibly the most unexpected, shocking occurrence that has ever happened on “Glee.” I think everyone nearly fell out of their seats in disbelief when that happened. And clearly, Kurt was just as surprised as the rest of us. That scene was definitely the most stand-out part of a very intense episode overall.
After the upsetting scene at Breadsticks, Artie definitely managed to be a good person and offer Puck his help. That is definitely one of the greatest parts of Artie’s character. Puck was also surprisingly kind and accepted Artie’s offer to help him with geometry while he was doing community service. It was refreshing to see Puck’s softer side for once. Let’s just hope he won’t take advantage of Artie’s kind offer.
The next scene, and ironically the next locker room scene as well, was almost as shocking as the previous one. This just reaffirmed the fact that Will Schuester is the nicest character on the show. It is hard not to feel bad for Beiste, especially since she is such a sensitive woman. Although many people, including myself I must admit, were hoping they would not kiss, it was heartwarming to see such a kind display of affection. It also helped that she did not mistake the kiss for him having actual feelings for her. Overall, this scene sent a good message about the importance of feelings over appearances.
The final scene was a great performance from the boys once again. Their rendition of “Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind” was adorable as well as exciting. The boys’ hug with Beiste was definitely a good end to the episode. And, I hate to say it, but I think the boys may have won the boys v. girls competition once again.
Finally we’ll give our opinions on the two major parts of the show: the spit-swapping scenes.
Kiss 1: Kurt and Karofsky’s Guy-on-Guy Lip Lock
Hallie: This was extremely unexpected after the immense anger that was building up between Kurt and the football player. This particular jock has been in many episodes since the beginning of the show, and it was obviously not clear that he was gay. Although it was shocking, it definitely sent a good message to viewers regarding homosexuality, especially considering the times we are now facing.
Nick: All I could emit out of my gaping mouth was WTF?!? Kudos to the writers here because I never saw this coming and would never have expected it. I thought Kurt was going to get a fist to the face, not a tongue. It was slightly awkward to watch because we all know Kurt was not expecting this or wanted it, especially since it was his first kiss ever. There is now potential for drama, though, as we see if the tables are turned on the jock, and Kurt still has hope in Blaine.
Kiss 2: Beiste and Will’s Secret Smooch
Hallie: Out of the two crazy kisses on tonight’s episode, this one was a little more predictable. It has become evident from watching over a season of “Glee” that Will Schuester’s kindness should never be underestimated. Although in my opinion, the kiss was, for lack of a better word, strange, the message it sent definitely made up for that. It was definitely nice to see an unappreciated woman receive some kindness for the first time in her life.
Nick: I wish I could be as sympathetic as you Hallie, but I wanted to vomit when what I saw on the screen confirmed my intuition. Although I feel bad for Beiste, Will uses his suave incorrectly once again to erase his guilt for offending her. In season one, when he tried to seduce Sue, I felt the same way, not because the women are older, it just didn’t feel right. And even though the peck was quick, no tongue involved (thank god) I have to say tisk tisk to William, and a thank you to FOX for an entire night of nausea.
That’s all for now! Tune in next week for our recap of episode 7!
- Nick & Hallie